Sunday, August 28, 2011

I'd like to thank the Academy ...

Oh, sorry. Just practicing my acceptance speech for when I win the award for Most Inconsistent Blogger on Earth. It's been a month since I blogged. Really? No wonder I've been so uptight. All these thoughts balled up in my head and no pounding on a keyboard to let them all out. 

Every time I come to my blog, it makes me think of this:

Now I want to go watch Billy Madison. I L-O-V-E that movie. Shampoo good. Conditioner better ... Stop looking at me, swan! 

Anyway, just dropping by to say how lame I am in all aspects of life lately. I totally fell off the wagon on my eating plan. OK, I didn't just fall off, the wagon darn near killed me by running me over after I fell off. It really is that bad. I've got the few extra pounds to show it. 

I'm not feeling well, not eating well, and not working out. I feel like Chet in Weird Science. You remember? This guy:

Alas, tomorrow's a new day and I am more determined than ever to morph out of my Chet-ness into more of a Kelly LeBrock-ness (circa 1985, of course). 

I'm hoping to awaken tomorrow feeling well, refreshed, and ready to attack my "spare tire" with a vengeance. I've discovered a new mantra that I am going to put on a loop in my brain, as well as print out and post on every surface I come in contact with (especially those involving the finding and consumption of food): 

"Don't trade what you want most for what you want at this moment." 

Done. I'm over trading feeling good in a sleeveless shirt for a doughnut or being able to fit in my ballet skirt for an enchilada. Seriously. 

I would appreciate any and all encouragement I can get in this endeavor. I like food. A little too much. But, you see, me and food, we're on the outs. I can't hang with grease, processed, or fried vittles like I used to. I gotta spend some well-deserved time with some fruits and veggies to make me lean and clean again. 

If you happen to have the pleasure of being around me when I experience an episode of weakened self-control (which are sure to be many), please do me a favor. First off, make sure you're not within arm's or leg's distance 'cause I might want to hurt you. Once your outside the boundary, kindly remind me of my mantra and what I'm working toward. Just be sure to say please. 


  1. you. are. hilarious.
    and i am with you on the food love. be encouraged!! we can do this!
    and that is how/why i blog often. i need to do it. for my mental health. ;)

  2. Thanks, Hannah! I deal mostly in humor, especially in hard situations. Need to hit this blog a little more often to let my inner crazy out! :p