I'd like to thank the Academy ...

Oh, sorry. Just practicing my acceptance speech for when I win the award for Most Inconsistent Blogger on Earth. It's been a month since I blogged. Really? No wonder I've been so uptight. All these thoughts balled up in my head and no pounding on a keyboard to let them all out. 

Every time I come to my blog, it makes me think of this:

Now I want to go watch Billy Madison. I L-O-V-E that movie. Shampoo good. Conditioner better ... Stop looking at me, swan! 

Anyway, just dropping by to say how lame I am in all aspects of life lately. I totally fell off the wagon on my eating plan. OK, I didn't just fall off, the wagon darn near killed me by running me over after I fell off. It really is that bad. I've got the few extra pounds to show it. 

I'm not feeling well, not eating well, and not working out. I feel like Chet in Weird Science. You remember? This guy:

Alas, tomorrow's a new day and I am more determined than ever to morph out of my Chet-ness into more of a Kelly LeBrock-ness (circa 1985, of course). 

I'm hoping to awaken tomorrow feeling well, refreshed, and ready to attack my "spare tire" with a vengeance. I've discovered a new mantra that I am going to put on a loop in my brain, as well as print out and post on every surface I come in contact with (especially those involving the finding and consumption of food): 

"Don't trade what you want most for what you want at this moment." 

Done. I'm over trading feeling good in a sleeveless shirt for a doughnut or being able to fit in my ballet skirt for an enchilada. Seriously. 

I would appreciate any and all encouragement I can get in this endeavor. I like food. A little too much. But, you see, me and food, we're on the outs. I can't hang with grease, processed, or fried vittles like I used to. I gotta spend some well-deserved time with some fruits and veggies to make me lean and clean again. 

If you happen to have the pleasure of being around me when I experience an episode of weakened self-control (which are sure to be many), please do me a favor. First off, make sure you're not within arm's or leg's distance 'cause I might want to hurt you. Once your outside the boundary, kindly remind me of my mantra and what I'm working toward. Just be sure to say please.